Messy

I have a lot of respect for the single mother. Raising a child on your own can be miserable. At least that's way I view it. My parents separated before I was born. I didn't even meet my father until I was 6. Even then it was just a visit and I would talk to him again until I was 18. My mom wanted it that way. He respected her wishes and stayed away. So for the first eight years of my life, my mother raised me. Kind of. She struggled to keep a job and we lived in 21 different places in an eight year span. However, we did live close to family, so I was the one kid who was raised by the family. Grandparents, cousins, friends all chipped in. When I was in 2nd grade, my mom's cousin bought my mom a car and a trailer. A year after that, it was apparent that my mom was either not fit or just too immature to raise a child, so they asked if they could adopt me. My mother agreed. From that point on, my life changed. I now had a family, with a father, not cousins and grandparents that acted like fathers.

I was very fortunate to get that missing piece back in my life. I was also very fortunate to have a couple raising me that truly love each other. Even more than they loved me. As boy, I remember it blowing my mind when my dad said he loved my mother more than me. Wait. That's not how this supposed to work. Parents are supposed to love their children more than anything else. He even ranked them: God, Mom, then us kids. I didn't completely understand him at the time, but it still made a lasting impression on me and a way I live my life. That one statement has helped me be a better husband and father.

What really got me thinking about this theme of fatherhood and this body of work about fatherhood originally came from my own views of what a father should be. Like many things in life, when it is always there, you never know what you are missing. Just like a child needs their mother, a child NEEDS their father. This blog will not only serve the purpose of my research but also a collection of thoughts about what fatherhood should be. In the same way my walk with God as a son is often messy, so is my journey as a son to my parents and as a father to my own kids.

Papa

I have been know to get off topic when I write, but I will try to keep this blog specific to my own experiences in fatherhood. However, for this post, I wanted to share a piece that I have been working on. In my other research class, we were asked to choose a theme for creating art. I have so many likes and interests, so when I am asked to commit to something like "choosing a theme" for my art work, it is a challenge. I have created themes before where I would do a series of related work, but for the most part, I get an idea, sketch it out, and just do it. Recently, it has been weighing on me to do something in regards to my fatherhood. It may have something to do with me being a father, or my own relationship with my father, but I think what sparked most of my feelings towards this theme was my realization that my own grandfathers are not invincible. Honestly, at 32, I am lucky to still have any grandfather left. But still, their declining health has made me realize what I will really be missing when they are gone. (It's starting to get morbid... this is what I mean about off topic.)

The theme of this series does not have a name yet, but it will focus around the relationship between men and in particular dads and their sons. I decided begin the series the first part of a tribute to the grandfather who has made such an impact in my life, My Papa. My idea here is not to use the the same theme or project for both classes, but rather to share actual artwork with my blog because of the connection.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

I chose to do this piece in pencil, mainly because it is an old favorite of mine and I work fast with it. I wanted to do this as a portrait as a challenge to myself, because I have not done any portraits in over a decade. Not sure why? I love doing portraits and people in general in all different styles, but I have not done any in forever. A lot work still to be done here (with the picture and my skills), but overall I am very happy with it so far. 

The Chaos of Being a Father

Since I am starting a blog entitled "Fatherhood," I thought it would only be appropriate that start it with a picture of me with my family. After posting the picture, I realize that it looks really small, so I might go back and crop it so that you can see my beautiful family's faces. You will also be able to see (or not see) the 'flawless' Photoshop job I had to do to make this presentable for our Christmas card. If you have more than one child, I don't have to elaborate on the incredibly rare opportunity of having everyone do their part for a family photo. The fact that I had to make the edit in the first place fits perfectly into our already chaotic life. One of your three children having an off day and caught smiling only once in an assault of camera clicks... No Problem. A little known secret is that Photoshop was actually created by a father who just wanted back control (and his sanity) in the quest for a family portrait suitable enough to hang on a fridge. Thank you fellow father! Job well done.